Two Setbacks

Hey everyone! (:

So I thought I'd do an update for you all based on music for me! I don't know how many of you actually read my blog, but if you didn't know, I'm a big music person! I'm going to be a senior in high school, and quite frankly, it's exciting. . . I get to take classes that I really enjoy and just be the upperclassmen! And with the classes I'm taking, involves band and I also do marching band in the fall!

For all of you who don't know, I play the clarinet! It's a marvelous instrument and when played right, it sounds beautiful! Now, the issue is, my bite was so wonky before surgery, I learned how to play the clarinet wrong. . . basically, I've been doing it wrong since I was in 8th and now, I'm re-teaching myself to play again and it's so confusing. And not only is it confusing, but IT HURTS! It's frustrating to know that after playing for four years now, I have to start again and it hurts. My upper teeth super sensitive and sore after playing for even an hour or so and it's really depressing to know I can't really do what I used to be able to do. All I know is it takes time. . . but I'm reading around and some people say it takes up to two years to finally play like you used to. . . which is disheartening. 

Marching band is pretty. . . extensive, considering camp is from 8:30-4:30 from Monday to Friday for the two weeks before school and then after that, we have rehearsal until like 5:30. So playing is definitely scaring me. I really don't want to backtrack on my results so far and I really, really don't want to hurt myself and push myself to far either. At the same time, I want to be able to play again. It's kind of confusing.

If any of you reading out there, play any woodwind instrument (excluding the flute), I'm wondering, how your experience playing again was. 

On another note, since my speech is a lot better, my singing has gotten a lot better, I think. I can breathe through my nose which is a new thing for me, and now I don't so nasally when I sing or when I talk so that's really great! (:

Jaw surgery is definitely not an easy journey but at the end of the day, I'm grateful that I did it and I'm even happier to say that it's made me stronger.

Another setback--I've realized that I have to take my senior pictures with my braces. I was hoping I was going to get my braces off before then, but I guess I just have to deal. It's really kind of. . . 'depressing' to say that I don't get to take my braces off before senior pictures. Maybe I can edit them out, but still. . . it's not the same. I guess in the long run, it's more important to get it all down now and think about the real results. It's just a high school picture, right?

Update Photo: (15 weeks, +1 day)

Looking back. . . wow, I look a lot better compared to when I first got my splint out:

Big difference, yeah? Sheesh! As long as things are coming along, I'm pretty happy!

Another Change

Hey everyone!

So I thought I'd update everyone on what exactly my plans are for this summer as far as change for myself. 

I've decided to add losing weight to the "to-do" list. After camp, I think I'm comfortable in my own body but I'd rather much be healthier than anything else. A lot of issues in today's social media and just in society in general are all about their physical appearances which is why I was having such a hard time going through surgery. A lot of people look at eating disorders (anorexia, bulimia, etc.) as such horrible diseases and I totally agree because they are so unhealthy and a lot of people in response to that take glory and pride in the weight they have currently.

Now, I think that's actually great! But for me, I'm not losing weight just to lose weight or to make myself feel better about myself. I figured, I need to feel HEALTHIER and be healthy instead of just 'being okay' with the weight I'm at right now. . . so there we have it!

This jaw surgery has really opened my eyes to a lot of things about myself and other people and I've truly learned what it means to just do things for yourself and not other people. So, hopefully, this goes well and I can definitely lose the weight that I want to and as time goes on, I hope I can see a difference and I'll post pictures on that too! I'm super excited to start this process and a little nervous!

As for a REAL update on everything:
Pain: 1/10 (I don't think it really hurts unless I'm eating something that's too hard.)
Emotionally: I'm much happier. It's an amazing feeling!
Swelling: I honestly have no idea. I think there's still some left. 
Numbness: Things still feel tight in my upper lip and around the bottom of my nose and in my gums. My upper gums are completely numb as well as the roof of my mouth.
Diet: Pretty much back to normal. I haven't actually gotten to a real steak yet, but I have been able to eat a normal burger by pulling it apart and then putting it in my mouth.
My speech: I think it sounds a lot better than before I got the surgery. I think because of that splint, I'm still learning how to pronounce things still.
My breathing: HALLELUJAH, GLORY TO GOD! I can finally breathe better. Every once in a while, due to allergies, it can be difficult but right now, as I'm typing this, I can bring normally out of both my nostrils. Before this surgery, I breathed through my mouth for everything and now? I can breathe through my nose! It's amazing!